Friday, May 20, 2011

Update

So I know it has been awhile, but there are several reasons for that. Where to start? Okay first off, you know how I decided to take reglan to increase my milk supply. It was unfortunately a very bad idea. It worked to increase my supply, but I have been having to deal with some not so pleasant side effects. After taking it for about a month I started getting depressed and anxious. Around this time we also took Scarlett back to the speech therapist to assess her progess. She is making a little bit of progress, but it is very slow going and the speech therapist recommended I probably switch to exclusively pumping because she just might not be able to ever nurse effectively. I cried the whole way home! I just don't get it sometimes. Why, when I want something SO SO bad does it have to be so hard. I just want to be able to nurse my baby! That night I started having anxiety/panic attacks. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I went into the ER and was prescribed an antidepressant. So now on top of a low milk supply and a baby who can't suck right, I am struggling everyday with depression again.

So,  I am officially a, sort of, exclusive pumper. I now only nurse Scarlett at night and once in the morning and that is  mostly for her comfort because I still have to pump after she feeds since she only gets the first letdown. Everyday, with her feeds I pump around 9-10 times. It is totally exhausting and I truly don't know how long I will be able to keep this up. I am just getting so tired. I finally got my domperidone in the mail so I have been taking that along with an array of other herbs and I guess I should be happy because I am making just enough for her each day. But some days it is just so hard to keep going. I know I will make it to 6 months, but after that I am just going to take it day by day.

2 comments:

  1. Oh, Megan! I am SO SO SO SORRY this is happening! I know your heart for your baby and to have this most basic thing be so difficult is just heartbreaking.
    As we both know, even with the very BEST of intentions, sometimes things just don't work the way we want them to. You and EVERYONE else knows that you have done the VERY BEST you could do.
    I can see how very much you love that precious baby girl.

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  2. Hi, I'm Becca and I found your blog through Melissa's blog :) I had a very similar experience with my daughter. I ended up exclusively pumping and bottle feeding her breastmilk. I wanted to do it for a whole year but it is SO EXHAUSTING! I was even setting alarm clocks during the night to get up and pump to keep my supply up. I managed to make it to 6 months and I was happy with that. A lot of people couldn't understand why I didn't throw in the towel long before that. You are a rockstar and I am very proud of you for what you are doing for your daughter! Blessings to you!

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