So I know it has been awhile, but there are several reasons for that. Where to start? Okay first off, you know how I decided to take reglan to increase my milk supply. It was unfortunately a very bad idea. It worked to increase my supply, but I have been having to deal with some not so pleasant side effects. After taking it for about a month I started getting depressed and anxious. Around this time we also took Scarlett back to the speech therapist to assess her progess. She is making a little bit of progress, but it is very slow going and the speech therapist recommended I probably switch to exclusively pumping because she just might not be able to ever nurse effectively. I cried the whole way home! I just don't get it sometimes. Why, when I want something SO SO bad does it have to be so hard. I just want to be able to nurse my baby! That night I started having anxiety/panic attacks. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I went into the ER and was prescribed an antidepressant. So now on top of a low milk supply and a baby who can't suck right, I am struggling everyday with depression again.
So, I am officially a, sort of, exclusive pumper. I now only nurse Scarlett at night and once in the morning and that is mostly for her comfort because I still have to pump after she feeds since she only gets the first letdown. Everyday, with her feeds I pump around 9-10 times. It is totally exhausting and I truly don't know how long I will be able to keep this up. I am just getting so tired. I finally got my domperidone in the mail so I have been taking that along with an array of other herbs and I guess I should be happy because I am making just enough for her each day. But some days it is just so hard to keep going. I know I will make it to 6 months, but after that I am just going to take it day by day.