Scarlett weighed in at 12lbs 13oz today. She is up a total of 1lb from last month. The nurse practitioner is not worried about her weight anymore and says she is following the growth curve nicely. She will always probably be small (I mean look at her Dad), but thats okay. Another check-up in 2 months.
So I know it has been awhile, but there are several reasons for that. Where to start? Okay first off, you know how I decided to take reglan to increase my milk supply. It was unfortunately a very bad idea. It worked to increase my supply, but I have been having to deal with some not so pleasant side effects. After taking it for about a month I started getting depressed and anxious. Around this time we also took Scarlett back to the speech therapist to assess her progess. She is making a little bit of progress, but it is very slow going and the speech therapist recommended I probably switch to exclusively pumping because she just might not be able to ever nurse effectively. I cried the whole way home! I just don't get it sometimes. Why, when I want something SO SO bad does it have to be so hard. I just want to be able to nurse my baby! That night I started having anxiety/panic attacks. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I went into the ER and was prescribed an antidepressant. So now on top of a low milk supply and a baby who can't suck right, I am struggling everyday with depression again.
So, I am officially a, sort of, exclusive pumper. I now only nurse Scarlett at night and once in the morning and that is mostly for her comfort because I still have to pump after she feeds since she only gets the first letdown. Everyday, with her feeds I pump around 9-10 times. It is totally exhausting and I truly don't know how long I will be able to keep this up. I am just getting so tired. I finally got my domperidone in the mail so I have been taking that along with an array of other herbs and I guess I should be happy because I am making just enough for her each day. But some days it is just so hard to keep going. I know I will make it to 6 months, but after that I am just going to take it day by day.